I truly had a Leah mentality.
Leah, in the Bible, was the sister of Rachel. According to Genesis 29:17, “Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful.” There are a few interpretations as to what weak eyes were supposed to mean with regards to Leah, but nevertheless – it doesn’t appear to be a compliment when compared to Rachel’s description.
Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever been compared to someone, and perhaps the comparison was not in your favor?
If so, you could probably relate to Leah.
Jacob was so in love with Rachel that he told her father, Laban, that he would work seven years for him in return for Rachel’s hand in marriage. That’s exactly what he did. Jacob worked for seven years and when they passed, he consummated his relationship with Laban’s daughter – but to Jacob’s surprise, it was not Rachel! He had been deceived and had in fact, married Leah-the one with weak eyes. Can you see the irony in the fact that the one who once deceived his own father has now been deceived?
Eventually, Jacob would marry Rachel while he worked for another seven years. Can you imagine how hard that must have been for Leah? Knowing that she was not the one Jacob really wanted, but yet she is married to this man? Talk about rejection and being tied to it! Could Leah ever do anything to gain his love? Well, she certainly tried.
“When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now” (Genesis 29:31).
Leah kept conceiving children and interestingly enough, she had similar responses after the birth of her children:
- “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.”
- “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have born him three sons.”
- “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor because I have borne him six sons.”
How many times have you ever felt like that? Trying to justify someone’s love for you by what you give them? There you are, counting all of what you did for them, yet still not gaining their love? They never honor you or put you on a pedestal that you so deeply crave. Have you ever done so much for someone wanting them to love you, yet you felt like you didn’t “make the cut” for love? Or perhaps you’ve felt like they loved you for what you do and not for who you are?
Maybe you felt like Leah and you have said:
“This time they’ll love me…This time they’ll become attached to me…
This time they’ll honor me…”
In previous relationships (most of them not God-honoring), I thought that what I brought to the table would be enough to keep them loving/liking me or showing interest in me and it never was. No matter how nice or sweet I was, or what I did – I was not loved or appreciated. I tried so hard to overcompensate for what I didn’t bring to the table that I offered everything (and I do mean everything) to make up for what I thought I lacked.
If I couldn’t do this, I knew I could do that…and “that” was supposed to make up for the “this” that I couldn’t. Get it?
I went through a season where I felt misunderstood, overlooked, and unappreciated. Some of this goes back to a previous blog (click here) I wrote, where I mentioned putting unrealistic expectations on people to be something they were not or didn’t ask to be. In this season, I felt that I wasn’t valuable or interesting. People came into my life and went and I thought it was because I wasn’t good enough. But, as you know, even when others are not that into you – GOD IS. Additionally, He knows how to romance your heart if you allow Him. He also knows how to send those Godly, special surprises when we aren’t trying to force them. Sometimes those Godly surprises can be found in the right people.
I know this because when I was going through this “What’s wrong with me?” phase, people that I admired soooo much and that I thought were so special in their own right, began to come to me just wanting to hang out and be around me. In fact, I at one point, I actually nicknamed one of them my “Beautiful Surprise.” On the outside when people would approach me about hanging out or needing help, I was like, “Oh, sure! Anytime!” But on the inside, I was a nervous wreck going, “Oh, God. Why me? These people are so special and wonderful. Of all people, they ask ME?! Why does this person want to be around me and what do they see?” On and on I went. Finally, the Lord, in His own special way to me said:
“They see plenty in you and I don’t make no junk.”
So, see! At the right time when we aren’t trying to be Leah’s and force our beauty/worth on someone, we can be found.
Found So Faithful.
Found So Special.
Found So Interesting.
We can be found by the people we least expect when we least expect it.
Over time, I’ve watched God answer my prayers for more genuine relationships and He’s done just that! He’s still doing it as we speak… rather, as I write.
My surprises have come in packages I never expected. Sometimes we want God to move in certain areas of our lives, but yet He’s only allowed to move within the lines we have drawn. We like talking to the exact same group of people in the exact same area of the city at the exact same time.
Beloved, it’s time to let God do His thing…right? Out with old and in with the new!
Beloved, never doubt how much GOD IS INTO YOU. He works through people and He will send the right people at the right time.
God IS JUST THAT INTO YOU. No more being a Leah. No more, “This time he’ll love me.”
Because guess what?
HE ALREADY DOES AND ALWAYS HAS!
QUESTIONS TO ANSWER AND PRAY ABOUT
- Where have you looked for attention and acceptance?
- How can knowing the way God feels about you give you confidence, beauty, and value?
- How do you deal with loneliness? Rejection?